How can we avoid quarreling and promote peace?

Understanding the Roots of Quarreling

Quarreling often begins with pride, fear, or selfish ambition. In Scripture, one observes that disagreements can quickly escalate when individuals seek their own interests more than the welfare of others. As James writes, “What causes conflicts and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from the passions at war within you?” (James 4:1). This verse points to inner desires that can spark disputes, underscoring that conflict usually flows from internal unrest.

Because quarrels are driven by the human tendency toward self-centeredness, simply avoiding the topic of disagreement is insufficient. The goal is to address the deeper issues of the heart—anger, insecurity, or the need to exert power—and to transform those inclinations into a pursuit of peace and humility.

The Call to Peace in Scripture

Throughout the biblical narrative, there is a consistent pattern of urging believers to pursue unity and harmony. Paul’s letters repeatedly instruct followers of Christ to maintain peace with one another: “If it is possible on your part, live at peace with everyone” (Romans 12:18). This is not merely a suggestion; it is both a command and a reflection of the character of God, who brings order and reconciliation.

In the Old Testament, peace (Hebrew shalom) carries the idea of completeness, wholeness, and well-being. It is not only an absence of conflict but also a presence of right relationships. The Psalms illustrate a yearning for this divine peace and invite readers to seek the LORD for comfort, resolution to disputes, and harmony among His people (Psalm 34:14).

Examples from the Life of Jesus

Jesus modeled how to avoid quarrels even while confronting serious issues. He taught, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God” (Matthew 5:9). In moments of personal harassment or targeted questions meant to trap Him, He responded with calm wisdom. When addressing major theological disagreements, as with the Pharisees about Sabbath observances or with Sadducees about the resurrection, He focused on Scripture’s truth without resorting to combative tones.

His willingness to forgive even those who crucified Him (“Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing,” Luke 23:34) sets the ultimate standard for believers. This willingness to pursue reconciling grace, rather than heated arguments, points toward a better way for believers to handle conflict: prioritize eternal perspectives over personal grudges.

Practical Steps to Avoid Quarreling

1. Examine Your Heart and Motives

Before stepping into any potentially heated conversation, pause and ask whether you are motivated by love, pride, or fear. Pray for wisdom and a spirit of humility (James 1:5). If the motive is to bring understanding and reconciliation, you will be slower to speak harshly.

2. Listen Attentively and Speak Gently

James 1:19 advises, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.” When you genuinely listen to others—letting them finish their thoughts and clarifying any misunderstandings—you open the door to respectful dialogue rather than quarrels.

3. Pursue Reconciliation Quickly

Prolonged tension often leads to resentment. Matthew 5:23–24 teaches believers to reconcile with an offended brother or sister without delay. Swift reconciliation demonstrates a commitment to preserving peace.

4. Avoid Foolish Controversies

“Reject foolish and ignorant speculations, for you know that they breed quarrels” (2 Timothy 2:23). Not every dispute is worth engaging. When disagreement serves only to elevate arguments or stir division, stepping away may be the wisest course.

5. Seek Wise Counsel

Consulting mentors, pastors, or knowledgeable friends for guidance can yield fresh perspectives. Proverbs 12:15 states, “He who listens to counsel is wise.” God has placed wise individuals within communities to help navigate friction productively.

6. Cultivate an Attitude of Forgiveness

Forgiveness acknowledges wrongdoing but refuses vengeance or resentment. Colossians 3:13 teaches, “Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” By releasing anger, you invite peace and prevent bitter quarreling from taking root.

Biblical Illustrations and Case Studies

- Abraham and Lot (Genesis 13:8–9)

When their herdsmen quarreled, Abraham offered a peaceful resolution by giving Lot the first choice of land. This is a timeless example of humility and a willingness to yield for the sake of harmony.

- Paul and Barnabas (Acts 15:36–41)

Though they parted ways over a sharp disagreement about John Mark, both continued in ministry. Later, Paul recognized Mark as profitable (2 Timothy 4:11). Their story shows that, even when disagreements occur, peace can be restored over time.

- Early Christian Communities

Historical documents—such as records preserved by early church fathers—highlight how believers contributed to societal peace. Several references from the writings of Josephus and Tertullian indicate that Christians became known for their unity and charitable works, which tempered hostile environments and minimized conflicts.

Archaeological and Historical Corroborations

Existing archaeological findings—like inscriptions indicating the presence of peaceful Christian gatherings in regions of the Roman Empire—demonstrate that early believers adopted principles of peace taught in Scripture. For instance, catacomb inscriptions in Rome often emphasize hope, unity, and community ties in Christ, indicating that believers were focused on harmonious fellowship despite persecution.

Moreover, the preservation of New Testament manuscripts, including partial papyri that contain teachings on love and peace (such as P46, one of the earliest collections of Paul’s epistles), supports the consistency of biblical admonitions to avoid quarrels and cultivate peace. These manuscripts overlap with canonical references, adding weight to the credibility and reliability of the Scriptures’ message over centuries.

Scientific and Philosophical Insights

From a behavioral science viewpoint, chronic conflict tends to magnify stress and diminishes well-being. Studies show that peaceful resolution of disputes leads to more stable relationships and improved mental health outcomes. Philosophically, pursuing reconciliation affirms the moral principle that we should treat others with dignity—a principle that resonates with Scripture’s emphasis on the inherent value of every person as created with purpose and design.

Encouragement for Daily Living

Because human relationships can be fragile, daily practice of kindness and respect is essential. Simple gestures—like speaking positively, recognizing another’s viewpoint, or refraining from hurtful comments—can dramatically reduce quarreling. Scripture consistently rewards these practices with strengthened bonds and a testimony that reflects God’s own heart of unity.

Believers can also take comfort in knowing that God’s Spirit empowers them to live peaceably (Galatians 5:22–23). This assurance offers hope that, even when conflicts arise, divine help is readily available to guide attitudes and actions.

Conclusion

Avoiding quarreling and promoting peace is an endeavor woven throughout the biblical narrative. It involves a recognition that conflict often arises from internal strife and must be addressed through humility, prayer, wise counsel, and a steadfast commitment to reconciliation. The testimonies of Scripture, the historical record of early believers, and practical behavioral insights converge to show that peaceful living is both attainable and commanded.

In following the biblical blueprint of forgiveness, gentleness, and unity, believers witness to the transforming power at work in them. This approach not only strengthens personal relationships but also points others to the gracious character of God. As Romans 14:19 exhorts, “Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.”