What if my spouse and I disagree on tithing? Definition and General Concepts Tithing traditionally refers to giving one-tenth of one’s income or produce to support the work of ministry, care for the needy, and honor the Lord. This practice finds its roots in the Old Testament (e.g., Genesis 14:20; Leviticus 27:30), yet principles of generous giving also appear throughout the New Testament (e.g., 2 Corinthians 9:7). When spouses disagree on this subject, it can bring tension, especially if one partner values tithing as an act of worship and obedience while the other prefers a different approach or amount. The following sections explore biblical perspectives, practical considerations, and relational guidance for navigating disagreements on tithing. Biblical Foundations of Tithing Tithing is most famously commanded in the Old Testament. Malachi 3:10 states: “Bring the full tithe into the storehouse, so that there may be food in My house. ‘Test Me in this,’ says the LORD of Hosts. ‘See if I will not open the windows of heaven and pour out for you blessing without measure.’” This passage emphasizes an invitation to trust God’s provision. In the New Testament, references to giving underscore the spirit behind it rather than a legalistic formula. For instance, 2 Corinthians 9:7 proclaims: “Each one should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not out of regret or compulsion. For God loves a cheerful giver.” While the New Testament does not always mandate a strict ten percent, it reinforces the importance of generous and joyful giving, acknowledging that all resources ultimately belong to God. Unity and Honor in Marriage Biblical teaching stresses unity between spouses. Ephesians 5:31–33 describes husband and wife as “one flesh,” highlighting the depth of the marital bond. Also, 1 Peter 3:7 instructs husbands to treat their wives with understanding and respect, emphasizing joint participation in the “gracious gift of life.” When couples face a dispute over tithing, the priority becomes fostering unity in decision-making. While one or both spouses may feel strongly about the issue, Scripture consistently encourages believers to seek harmony rather than insist on personal preferences (Romans 12:10; Philippians 2:4). Even within disagreements, the marital bond should reflect love, respect, and mutual submission (Ephesians 5:21). Respecting the Conscience of Both Spouses Romans 14 extensively addresses matters of conscience in the Christian life. Though Paul primarily discusses food, the principle applies to any practice where believers may differ. Verses 5–6 note that one person may hold a conviction about a particular day or practice, while another person focuses differently. In essence, Paul teaches that what matters most is honoring the Lord through one’s convictions and actions. With tithing, if one spouse sees a biblical mandate to give a literal ten percent, and the other does not share that exact conviction, it is important to respect each person’s conscience before God. This stage of the discussion should invite both spouses to prayerfully share their viewpoints, rooted in Scripture and genuine desire to please the Lord. Examining the Heart of Generosity Jesus highlights the heart of generosity in episodes such as the widow’s offering (Mark 12:41–44). He commends the widow not for the amount she gave, but because she gave sacrificially out of devotion to God. This serves as a reminder that in discussing tithing or giving, the question is not merely, “How much must we give?” but rather, “What does our giving say about our trust, obedience, and love for God?” When a couple disagrees on how to balance generosity with financial obligations, they can take confidence in Jesus’ teaching that God cares more about motive than a fixed percentage. However, many have also found that the ten percent guideline helps structure faithful, consistent giving. Practical Steps to Resolve Disagreement 1. Pray Together: Ask the Lord for wisdom (James 1:5). Sincere prayer can shift a contentious situation into one guided by the Holy Spirit, reminding both partners of God’s presence and authority. 2. Search the Scriptures: Both spouses should study relevant passages (e.g., Genesis 14:20; Malachi 3:10; 2 Corinthians 9:6–7) to understand biblical principles of giving. Emphasis should be on seeking truth from Scripture, inviting God’s insight rather than simply looking for proof-texts to defend personal positions. 3. Consult Mature Believers or Church Leaders: Sometimes, an outside perspective from a trusted pastor or mentor helps couples navigate tensions. Early church communities often shared resources for the common good (Acts 4:32–35), reflecting unity and mutual care. Similar counsel today can avert confusion or misunderstanding. 4. Set Goals Together: Determine how much each spouse is comfortable giving. For the spouse convicted about tithing (ten percent), perhaps a negotiated approach or a trial period can help. For the spouse who disagrees, openness to exploring a charitable giving plan over time can create an environment of mutual respect. 5. Revisit Regularly: Financial situations evolve, as do spiritual journeys. Re-evaluating financial stewardship on a scheduled basis ensures that changes in income, ministry needs, or conviction levels do not go unaddressed. Cultivating a Spirit of Grace and Humility Humility is crucial when discussing finances and convictions. Philippians 2:3 states: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or empty pride, but in humility consider others more important than yourselves.” In marriage, this means acknowledging that both spouses are on a spiritual journey, and neither is without fault or without room to grow in understanding. Extending grace in times of disagreement fosters a strong marital foundation. Encouragement for Couples Even if tensions persist, remember that God is faithful and desires peace in the home. In many cases, couples who work through financial disagreements—tithing included—discover deeper communication, stronger faith, and renewed unity. Applying biblical principles helps believers stay anchored in God’s Word, trusting that He can bring good from all circumstances (Romans 8:28). Ultimately, the Lord sees the heart, and His grace covers our shortcomings. Couples can lean on His strength, approach Scripture with openness, and faithfully encourage one another toward loving obedience. As financial discourse and tithing practices align with biblical teachings, the result can be a more peaceful relationship and a shared witness of joyful generosity in God’s kingdom. |
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