Genesis 2:21-22 And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs… Well might Paul say (Hebrews 13:4), "marriage is honourable"; for God hath honoured it Himself. It is honourable for the author, honourable for the time, and honourable for the place. Whereas all other ordinances were appointed of God by the hands of men, or the hands of angels (Acts 12:7; Hebrews 2:2), marriage was ordained by God Himself, which cannot err. No man nor angel brought the wife to the husband, but God Himself (Genesis 2:12); so marriage hath more honour of God in this than all other ordinances of God beside, because He solemnized it Himself. Then it is honourable for the time; for it was the first ordinance that God instituted, even the first thing which He did, after man and woman were created, and that in the state of innocency, before either had sinned: like the finest flower, which will not thrive but in a clean ground. Then it is honourable for the place; for whereas all other ordinances were instituted out of paradise, marriage was instituted in paradise, in the happiest place, to signify haw happy they are that marry in the Lord. As God the Father honoured marriage, so did God the Son, which is called "the Seed of the woman" (Genesis 3:15); therefore marriage was so honoured among women because of this seed, that when Elizabeth brought forth a son (Luke 1:25), she said that "God had taken away her rebuke," counting it the honour of women to bear children, and, by consequence, the honour of women to be married; for the children which are born out of marriage are the dishonour of women, and called by the shameful name of bastards (Deuteronomy 23:2). As Christ honoured marriage with His birth, so He honoured it with His miracles; for the first miracle which Christ did, He wrought at a marriage in Cana, where He turned the water into wine (John 2:8). As He honoured it with miracles, so He honoured it with praises; for He compareth the kingdom of God to a wedding (Matthew 22:2); and He compareth holiness to a wedding garment (ver. 11); and in the 5th of Canticles He is wedded Himself (Song of Solomon 5:9). We read in Scripture of three marriages of Christ. The first was when Christ and our nature met together. The second is, when Christ and our soul join together. The third is, the union of Christ and His Church. These are Christ's three wives. As Christ honoured marriage, so do Christ's disciples; for John calleth the conjunction of Christ and the faithful a marriage (Revelation 19:7). And in Revelation 21:9, the Church hath the name of a bride, whereas heresy is called an harlot (Revelation 17:1). Now it must needs be, that marriage, which was ordained of such an excellent Author, and in such a happy place, and of such an ancient time, and after such a notable order, must likewise have special causes for the ordinance of it. Therefore the Holy Ghost doth show us three causes of this union. One is, the propagation of children, signified in that when Moses saith "He created them male and female" (Genesis 2:22), not both male nor both female, but one male and the other female; as if He created them fit to propagate other. And, therefore, when He had created them so, to show that propagation of children is one end of marriage, He said unto them, "Increase and multiply" (Genesis 1:28); that is, bring forth children, as other creatures bring forth their kind. The second cause is to avoid fornication. This Paul signifieth when he saith, "For the avoiding of fornication, let every man have his own wife" (1 Corinthians 7:8). The third cause is to avoid the inconvenience of solitariness, signified in these words, "It is not good for man to be alone"; as though He had said, This life would be miserable and irksome, and unpleasant to man, if the Lord had not given him a wife to company his troubles. If it be not good for man to be alone, then it is good for man to have a fellow; therefore, as God created a pair of all other kinds, so He created a pair of this kind. We say that one is none, because he cannot be fewer than one, he cannot be less than one, he cannot be weaker than one, and therefore the wise man saith, "Woe to him that is alone" (Ecclesiastes 4:10), that is, he which is alone shall have woe. Thoughts and cares and fears will come to him because he hath none to comfort him, as thieves steal in when the house is empty; like a turtle which hath lost his mate; like one leg when the other is cut off; like one wing when the other is clipped; so had the man been, if the woman had not been joined to him; therefore for mutual society God coupled two together, that the infinite troubles which lie upon us in the world might be eased with the comfort and help one of another, and that the poor in the world might have some comfort as well as the rich; for "the poor man," saith Solomon, "is forsaken of his own brethren" (Proverbs 19:7); yet God hath provided one comfort for him, like Jonathan's armour bearer, that shall never forsake him (1 Samuel 14:7), that is, another self, which is the only commodity (as I may term it) wherein the poor do match the rich; without which some persons should have no helper, no comfort, no friend at all. In Matthew 22, Christ showeth that before parties married, they were wont to put on fair and new garments, which were called wedding garments; a warning unto all which put on wedding garments to put on truth and holiness too, which so precisely is resembled by that garment more than other. Yet the chiefest point is behind, that is, our duties. The duties of marriage may be reduced to the duties of man and wife, one toward another, and their duties towards their children, and their duty toward their servants. For themselves, saith one, they must think themselves like to birds: the one is the cock, and the other is the hen; the cock flieth abroad to bring in, and the dam sitteth upon the nest to keep all at home. So God hath made the man to travel abroad, and the woman to keep home; and so their nature, and their wit, and their strength are fitted accordingly; for the man's pleasure is most abroad, and the woman's within. In every state there is some one virtue which belongeth to that calling more than other; as justice unto magistrates, and knowledge unto preachers, and fortitude unto soldiers; so love is the marriage virtue which sings music to their whole life. Wedlock is made of two loves, which I may call the first love and the after love. As every man is taught to love God before he be bid to love his neighbour, so they must love God before they can love one another. To show the love which should be between man and wife, marriage is called conjugium, which signifieth a knitting or joining together; showing, that unless there be a joining of hearts, and a knitting of affections together, it is not marriage in deed, but in show and name, and they shall dwell in a house like two poisons in a stomach, and one shall ever be sick of another. Therefore, first, that they may love, and keep love one with another, it is necessary that they both love God, and as their love increaseth toward Him, so it shall increase each to other. To begin this concord well, it is necessary to learn one another's natures, and one another's affections, and one another's infirmities, because ye must be helpers, and ye cannot help unless you know the disease. Thus much of their duties in general; now to their several offices. The man may spell his duty out of his name, for he is called "the head" (Ephesians 5:23), to show that as the eye, the tongue, and the ear are in the head to direct the whole body, so the man should be stored with wisdom, and understanding, and knowledge, and discretion, to direct his whole family; for it is not right that the worse should rule the better, but the better should rule the worse, as the best rules all. The husband saith that his wife must obey him, because he is her better; therefore if he let her be better than himself, he seems to free her from her obedience, and binds himself to obey her. His first duty is called hearting, that is, hearty affection. As they are hand-fasted, so they must be heart-fasted; for the eye, and the tongue, and the hand will be her enemies if the heart be not her friend. As Christ draweth all the commandments to love, so may I draw all their duties to love,, which is the heart's gift to the bride at her marriage. First, he must choose his love, and then he must love his choice. This is the oil which maketh all things easy. His next duty to love, is a fruit of his love; that is, to let all things be common between them which were private before. The man and wife are partners, like two oars in a boat; therefore he must divide offices, and affairs, and goods with her, causing her to be feared, and reverenced, and obeyed of her children and servants, like himself, for she is an under officer in his commonweal, and therefore she must be assisted and borne out like his deputy; as the prince standeth with his magistrates for his own quiet, because they are the legs which bear him up. Lastly, he must tender her as much as all her friends, because he hath taken her from her friends, and covenanted to tender her for them all. To show how he should tender her, Peter saith, "Honour the woman as the weaker vessel" (1 Peter 3:7). As we do not handle glasses like pots, because they are weaker vessels, but touch them nicely and softly for fear of cracks, so a man must entreat his wife with gentleness and softness, not expecting that wisdom, nor that faith, nor that patience, nor that strength in the weaker vessel, which should be in the stronger; but think when he takes a wife he takes a vineyard, not grapes, but a vineyard to bear him grapes; therefore he must sow it, and dress it, and water it, and fence it, and think it a good vineyard, if at last it brings forth grapes. So he must not look to find a wife without a fault, but think that she is committed to him to reclaim her from her faults; for all are defective. And if he find the proverb true, that in space cometh grace, he must rejoice as much at his wife when she amendeth, as the husbandman rejoiceth when his vineyard beginneth to fructify. So much for husbands. Likewise the woman may learn her duty of her names. They are called goodwives, as goodwife A and goodwife B. Every wife is called a good wife; therefore if they be not good wives, their names do belie them, and they are not worth their titles, but answer to a wrong name, as players do upon a stage. This name pleaseth them well. But besides this, a wife is called a yoke fellow (Philippians 4:3), to show that she should help her husband to bear his yoke, that is, his grief must be her grief; and whether it be the yoke of poverty, or the yoke of envy, or the yoke of sickness, or the yoke of imprisonment, she must submit her neck to bear it patiently with him, or else she is not his yoke fellow, but his yoke; as though she were inflicted upon him for a penalty, like to Job's wife, whom the devil left to torment him when he took away all he had beside (Job 2:9). Beside a yoke fellow, she is called a helper (Genesis 2:18), to help him in his business, to help him in his labours, to help him in his troubles, to help him in his sickness, like a woman physician, sometime with her strength, and sometime with her counsel; for sometime as God confoundeth the wise by the foolish, and the strong by the weak (1 Corinthians 1:27), so He teacheth the wise by the foolish, and helpeth the strong by the weak. Beside a helper, she is called a comforter too; and therefore the man is bid rejoice in his wife (Proverbs 5:18); which is as much to say, that wives must be the rejoicing of their husbands, even like David's harp to comfort Saul (1 Samuel 16:23). Lastly, we call the wife huswife, that is, housewife; not a street wife, like Tamar (Genesis 38:14); nor a field wife, like Dinah (Genesis 34:2); but a housewife, to show that a good wife keeps her house; and therefore Paul biddeth Titus to exhort women that they be "chaste, and keeping at home" (Titus 2:5). Presently after "chaste" he saith "keeping at home," as though home were chastity's keeper. As it becometh her to keep home, so it becometh her to keep silence, and always speak the best of her head. Others seek their honour in triumph, but she must seek her honour in reverence; for it becometh not any woman to set light by her husband, nor to publish his infirmities. For they say, That is an evil bird that defileth her own nest; and if a wife use her husband so, how may a husband use his wife? Because this is the quality of that sex, to overthwart, and upbraid, and sue the preeminence of their husbands, therefore the philosophers could not tell how to define a wife, but call her the contrary to a husband, as though nothing were so cross and contrary to a man as a wife. This is not Scripture, but no slander to many. As David exalted the love of women above all other loves (2 Samuel 1:26), so Solomon mounteth the envy of women above all other envies (Proverbs 21:19). Stubborn, sullen, taunting, gainsaying, out-facing, with such a bitter humour, that one would think they were molten out of the salt pillar into which Lot's wife was transformed (Genesis 19:28). We say not all are alike, but this sect hath many disciples, Doth the rib that is in man's side fret or gall him? No more then should she which is made of the rib (Genesis 2:20). Though a woman be wise, and painful, and have many good parts, yet if she be a shrew, her trouble. some jarring in the end will make her honest behaviour unpleasant, as her overpinching at last causeth her good housewifery to be evil spoken of. Therefore, although she be a wife, yet sometimes she must observe the servant's lesson: "Not answering again" (Titus 2:9), and hold her peace to keep the peace. Therefore they which keep silence are well said to hold their peace, because silence oftentimes doth keep the peace when words would break it. To her silence and patience she must add the acceptable obedience which makes a woman rule while she is ruled. This is the wife's tribute to her husband; for she is not called his head, but he is called her head. Thus we have shadowed the man's duty to his wife, and the woman's to her husband. After their duties one to another, they must learn their duties to their family. One compareth the master of the house to the seraphim, which came and kindled the prophet's zeal; so he should go from wife to servants, and from servants to children, and kindle in them the zeal of God, longing to teach his knowledge, as a nurse to empty her breasts. Another saith that a master in his family hath all the offices of Christ, for he must rule, and teach, and pray; rule like a king, and teach like a prophet, and pray like a priest (Revelation 5:10). To show how a godly man should behave himself in his household, when the Holy Ghost speaketh of the conversation of any housekeeper, lightly he saith, that "the man believed with all his household" (Acts 16:34; Acts 18:8). As Peter being converted, must convert his brethren; so the master being converted, must convert his servants. Lastly, we put the duty towards children, because they come last to their hands. In Latin children are called pignora, that is, pledges; as if I should say, a pledge of the husband's love to the wife, and a pledge of the wife's love toward the husband; for there is nothing which doth so knit love between the man and the wife as the fruit of the womb. The first duty is the mother's, that is, to nurse her child at her own breasts, as Sarah did Isaac (Genesis 21:7); and therefore Isaiah joined the nurse's name and the mother's name both in one, and called them "nursing mothers"; showing that mothers should be the nurses. The next duty is, "Catechize a child in his youth, and he will remember it when he is old" (Proverbs 22:6). This is the right blessing which fathers and mothers give to their children, when they cause God to bless them too. If these duties be performed in marriage then I need not speak of divorcement, which is the rod of marriage, and divideth them which were one flesh, as if the body and soul were parted asunder. But because all perform not their wedlock vows, therefore He which appointed marriage hath appointed divorcement, as it were taking our privelege from us when we abuse it. As God hath ordained remedies for every disease, so He hath ordained a remedy for the disease of marriage. The disease of marriage is adultery, and the medicine thereof is divorcement. Moses licensed them to depart for hardness of heart (Matthew 19:8); but Christ licenseth them to depart for no cause but adultery. If they might be separated for discord, some would make a commodity of strife; but now they are not best to be contentious, for this law will hold their noses together, till weariness make them leave struggling; like two spaniels which are coupled in a chain, at last they learn to go together, because they may not go asunder. As nothing might part friends, but "if thine eye offend thee, pull it out" (Matthew 5:32); that is, thy friend be a tempter; so nothing may dissolve marriage but fornication (Matthew 19:9), which is the breach of marriage, for marriage is ordained to avoid fornication (1 Corinthians 7:9), and therefore if the condition be broken, the obligation is void. (H. Smith.) Parallel Verses KJV: And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; |
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