Hebrews 13:4 Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled: but fornicators and adulterers God will judge. It is not to be denied that marriage hath its proper inconveniences. There are peculiar cares and hindrances belonging to it. For the new relations that are acquired by it, as those of husband and wife, father and mother, master and mistress, are attended with peculiar crosses and troubles. But then it is to be considered that there is no condition of life whatsoever without inconveniences, and particularly celibacy is a great trouble of itself; it is comfortless and unarmed, exposed to hazards, and beset with dangerous temptations. But the state of wedlock, if it be wisely entered into, hath a natural tendency to a happy way of living, as it is conducing to order and government, to industry and diligence, to frugality, to stability, and to a care for futurity. It is best for the good of mankind, for the uses of human life, for the interest of the universe, and the welfare of Christian societies. But there have been always some in the world that have remonstrated against this state of life, and these are of two sorts — the religious and the witty; that is, those who would be thought to be such. Saturnius, a professed gnostic, held that marriage was of the devil, as Iremeus relates, and most of that sect cried it down as a cursed and diabolical thing. The Marcionites, the Montanists, and the Manicheans declared it to be unlawful. The Hierachites held that marriage excluded from heaven, and they admitted none but single persons into their communion. But here by the way we are to note, that the gnostics and some others, who were very fierce against marrying, practised promiscuous lust. It is an honour then to this state that it is doomed by such. Some make use of the Holy Scripture to patronise this cause; and the chief place which they allege is 1 Corinthians 7:1. We are to know, then, that when the apostle lived the times were perilous, and persecution was the allotment of the faithful Christians; and therefore that was an unfit season for embracing a conjugal life. We see then that the authority of the apostle is made use of to no purpose, because it is wholly misunderstood. Of which we cannot but be convinced, when we find in this very chapter a positive license given to the Christians to change their condition, if they saw occasion for it, and were willing to venture on the dangers which attended matrimony. "But if thou marry," saith he, "thou hast not sinned" (ver. 28). There is no absolute unlawfulness in doing so. And he condemned those heretics that taught otherwise, forbidding to marry (1 Timothy 4:3). But the witty people are another sort of men, that affect to rally upon marriage; and that they may have a full shock at it, they except against the other sex itself. The Jewish Rabbins think themselves great wits in jeering the sex for their restless tongues and false tears, as we frequently find in their writings. Nay, they are so virulent as to publish to the world, that the honestest woman on earth is a witch, and given to enchantment and sorcery. The Arabians vote all married persons to be fools in that proverb of theirs, "If all men were wise" (that is, if they would abstain from marriage) "the world would soon be at an end." Even some men of gravity cannot abstain from inveighing against the sex, as such Cato often said that "if the world was without women, the gods would come down and converse with men; but whilst those are here, these will never visit us." Yea, , the celebrated father of the Greek Church, the famous pulpit orator, made a sermon in the dispraise of all women, and tells us that matrimony in its own nature is a sin, only by Divine permission it is excusable. In brief, he is reckoned the wittiest man that is most dexterous in defaming of women, though at the same time he defames himself. Whatever prejudiced, fanciful men may suggest, we are sure the apostle is in the right, and utters an incontestible truth, "Marriage is honourable in all." The married state is not only lawful, but noble, appointed by God, and of Divine institution. It was first ordained in Paradise, in the state of innocency (Genesis 2:18). This gives repute and authority to wedlock, and renders it commendable. And it hath been always esteemed as such by those who have a reverence for God's ordinance. It is observable that our Saviour Himself honoured marriage with His first miracle, gracing the solemnity by turning water into wine. Here I may take notice of the high esteem some nations have had of a married life, and how concerned they were that men should not always be single. Among the Lacedemonians there were actions brought against men for not marrying, and for marrying late; and those that lived unmarried were infamous among that people by the law. There were penalties among the Romans inflicted on those that refused to marry after such a term of years, as Tacitus and the Code testify. Every one is bound to embrace matrimony at twenty-five years of age by the Alcoran. The Tartars think this so good and excellent a thing, that they believe their god Matagai hath a wife and children. And if their sons and daughters die before they are at age, they celebrate a marriage between parties thus deceased, that they may be man and wife in the other world. Though this is very gross indeed, and is a sign they are unacquainted with what our Saviour said, "In heaven they neither marry, nor are given in marriage"; yet it shows what respect and esteem these people have for the state of wedlock, and how congruous it is to the natural reason and sentiments of mankind. 1. Marriage must be with great deliberation. There is no undertaking of man's life that doth more require freedom of thought and choice than this doth. Plato would have no man marry before thirty, nor Aristotle before thirty-five years of age, designing thereby not peremptorily to confine persons to that computation, but to warn them against a precipitant changing of their state, and to put them in mind of acting very cautiously in this affair. Nor should they only weigh and consider the matter themselves, but apply to their friends, but especially their parents, for their advice and counsel. 2. Marry not merely for money or estate. This is the prevailing fault of men, as well as women, they court the estate rather than the person who hath it; they may be said to wed the lands and money, not the possessor. A wife is put to sale, and marriage is a mere bargain. 3. Let not the man marry the woman merely for beauty, or finery, for feature, for dress, which latter is the body's artificial beauty. 4. Marry not a woman merely on the account of her wit, learning, or parts. Arts and sciences are not the proper talent of that sex. 5. Though you are not to marry merely for money, beauty, or wit, yet never marry one that is poor, or deformed, or a fool. A single life with indigency may be endured, but that and wedlock together are a double misery. If you be not able with your own estate and way of living to maintain a wife, never take one that hath none. Again, choose not one whose deformity is very conspicuous and remarkable, unless some extraordinary qualities and perfections compound for it, lest you should be tempted afterwards to change the object of your sight, and look upon others as more acceptable. Wherefore make choice of one who hath competent comeliness, or who by modesty mends her countenance, and gives it a beauty by blushes. Mate such a one as we know is mistress of those accomplishments and graces which are not liable to be impaired by any accidents whatsoever, that so we may ever find that in her which deserves our love. Lastly, methinks that there should be no need of advising a man or woman not to marry one that is noted for folly and weakness, for this too plainly shows that they themselves are liable to the same imputation. 6. Above all things make choice of a virtuous person, one that fears God, one whose mind is endued with a deep sense of religion, and whose conversation is regular and upright. All the aforesaid qualifications must give place to this, and without this they are mean and inconsiderable, and of no real value. 7. Next to religion good nature is to be prized most. This contains in it a peaceable and quiet temper, a sweet disposition, an obliging and winning carriage, free from all extravagant passion, wrath, and bitterness. Else a man, in a worse sense than the Duke of Venice, marries the Adriatic, is espoused to waves and storms. 8. Be careful to marry one suitable to you; suitable in age, birth, and humour. Such a one will be truly a meet-help. 9. Be well satisfied of one another's love, chastity, and faithfulness, and increase and nourish them by all means. A wife, as Sir Thomas Overbury rightly saith, is an abbreviature of all the rest of the sex: to her husband she must be (as Eve was) all the world of womankind. 10. Let it never be known which of them is superior. Always divide and share your power. 11. Begin and proceed in the conjugal state with prayer and great devotion, and all acts of religion and piety. (J. Edwards, D. D.) Parallel Verses KJV: Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. |
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