Is dating to convert someone a good idea?

Definition and Historical Overview

Dating with the intention of bringing another person to faith involves pursuing a romantic relationship in hopes that one’s partner will embrace the gospel. Historically, various Christian communities have wrestled with the wisdom of such a practice. Documents from early church writers, as well as well-preserved manuscript collections (e.g., Chester Beatty papyri), shed light on the consistent teaching of Scripture that believers should approach romantic attachments carefully. Relationship choices in the church’s early centuries often reflected concerns about remaining true to biblical commands regarding fellowship, worship, and commitment to God.

Scriptural Principles

Scripture advises believers to exercise discernment in all partnerships. Paul’s exhortation, “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers” (2 Corinthians 6:14), underscores a biblical principle aimed at protecting one’s spiritual walk. In addition, “Bad company corrupts good character” (1 Corinthians 15:33) highlights the potential negative influence of close ties with those who do not share core convictions.

Scripture also teaches that love and devotion to God must surpass all other affections. In Matthew’s Gospel, believers are urged to prioritize their commitment to the Lord above any other earthly bond. This does not mean isolation from those who do not share the faith but calls for wisdom as to the nature and depth of one’s relational ties.

Potential Pitfalls and Warnings

Entering a romantic relationship with the goal of conversion can blur the lines between genuine affection and evangelistic intent. The risk arises if the believing partner compromises on biblical convictions to maintain peace or unity with someone who may not fully embrace the gospel. Relationships thrive on shared values, so constant tension regarding matters of faith can lead to emotional and spiritual strain.

Moreover, should the person resist changing beliefs, the dating relationship might bring discouragement or lead the believer to soften key convictions. Many behavioral studies underscore the strong impact that deeply held personal worldviews have on relationship satisfaction. If two individuals diverge on ultimate purpose and hope in life, persistent conflict may ensue.

Evangelistic Responsibility

Evangelism—telling others of Christ’s death and resurrection—remains central to the Christian calling. Believers are instructed, “Always be prepared to give a defense… with gentleness and respect” (1 Peter 3:15). However, this mandate does not necessarily require a romantic context. Scripture depicts evangelism as a broader lifestyle of compassion, testimony, and reasoned conversation (Acts 17:2–3, broadly attested in early manuscripts).

In fact, many experienced leaders caution that romances launched primarily to convert can result in unintended consequences, especially if either party enters the relationship under unclear motives. A genuine, transparent proclamation of belief—coupled with prayer and kindness—can often be more effective than a dating approach that can obscure authenticity.

Case Examples from Scripture

1. Samson (Judges 14–16): Samson formed relationships with Philistine women who did not share his faith in Yahweh, leading to repeated moral lapses and ultimately contributing to his downfall. Although not specifically framed as “dating to convert,” the narrative illustrates the danger of tying oneself closely to those who remain outside the covenant community.

2. Solomon (1 Kings 11): Solomon’s alliances with foreign women led him into idolatrous practices. These passages, while describing marriage rather than modern dating, highlight the spiritual hazards of entering intimate bonds where faith convictions are not mutually upheld.

3. Ruth (Book of Ruth): Ruth was a Moabite who embraced the God of Israel. However, her conversion preceded her union with Boaz. This progression is often interpreted as first committing to faith and then entering a covenant relationship, rather than the other way around.

Behavioral and Philosophical Considerations

From a behavioral science perspective, the deep emotional attachments formed in romantic relationships can strongly influence personal beliefs and priorities—often more than purely rational arguments. If one partner hopes to convert the other, emotional entanglement may complicate the clarity of judgment on both sides. Genuine life transformation and belief changes typically arise from heartfelt conviction rather than external pressure or relational obligations.

Philosophically, this question touches on the respect due to each individual’s agency and freedom of belief. The biblical pattern of sharing faith rests on open invitation rather than coercion. For a person to adopt Christianity as a meaningful worldview, the change must spring from personal conviction about God’s truth in Christ’s resurrection. A dating relationship alone may not provide the strongest foundation for this life-altering step.

Archaeological and Manuscript Support

Passages in Paul’s letters (e.g., 1 Corinthians, 2 Corinthians) that warn believers about unequal connections are preserved in ancient manuscripts such as Papyrus 46. This evidence strengthens confidence that these instructions were not later additions but have guided the church from its earliest centuries. Archaeological findings—like the early Christian meeting sites—indicate that communities actively applied these teachings, emphasizing fellowship grounded in shared faith and worship.

Practical Counsel

1. Examine Motives: Before dating someone who does not believe, examine whether the emotional desire for companionship is overshadowing the biblical call to maintain spiritual unity.

2. Prioritize Prayer: Dedicate time to prayerful reflection. Seek God’s will, praying for insight into whether this step aligns with honoring Him and safeguarding each person’s spiritual health.

3. Cultivate Authentic Friendships: Share the gospel openly, but avoid mixing that mission with romantic attachment. Trusted mentors or church communities can offer supportive environments for questions about faith.

4. Encourage Independent Faith Investigation: Provide resources (Scripture, testimonies, writings from early Christian authors) for honest exploration, without the added complexities of a romantic commitment.

5. Seek Godly Counsel: Church elders, wise friends, and mature believers can offer perspective. Biblical teaching points to shared faith as a cornerstone of lasting, God-honoring relationships.

Conclusion

Dating for the express purpose of converting someone raises concerns rooted in both scriptural teaching and practical wisdom. While believers remain called to evangelize and “go into all the world” with the gospel (Mark 16:15), the biblical pattern encourages shared devotion to God as a cornerstone for romantic relationships.

Upholding spiritual unity not only protects the believer’s walk but also guards the integrity of the other person’s decision-making regarding faith. If God should graciously draw an unbelieving individual to Himself before a romantic connection begins, this provides a healthier basis for a relationship built on common convictions and a shared dedication to glorifying God.