The Wife in Marriage

1Pet 3:1. The words “in the same way” with which chapter 3 begins, refer to a verse of the previous chapter (1Pet 2:18). Just like servants must be submissive to their masters, even if it is an unreasonable master, a wife must be submissive to her husband, even if she has a husband who doesn’t live according to the Word. The submissive attitude of the wife toward her husband is today completely abnormal. In the world the wife is told not to be submissive at all, but that she has her own rights, with which she has to defend herself.

When in marriage the husband doesn’t consider God and His Word, unfortunately the wife is often used as a utensil. In spite of a humiliating treatment, the believing wife finds the strength to be submissive to her husband from her relationship with the Lord. Biblical submissiveness is a proof of great spiritual strength.

By her relationship with the Lord Jesus she will get strength to be of help to her husband, for which God has meant her (Gen 2:18). That means that the husband is the one who is ‘needy’. It is not an inferior position when you are a help. How could that be when you consider that God calls Himself the Help of His people (Deu 33:7; Psa 33:20)?

It is good to keep in mind that Peter writes about relationships as they are in the kingdom of God. Those relationships are radically opposed to the relationships prevailing in the world. That also goes for the relationship in marriage between husband and wife. When that relationship comes under pressure because the husband does not listen to the Word, the wife ought not to lecture her husband. How hard that may be for her, God’s Word says here that she ought not to do that.

She has another means available and that is her behavior, which means her way of life as a Christian woman in the daily care for the household. This does not primarily involve the technical performance of actions, such as keeping the house clean and making sure that husband and children are well fed and well dressed. The most important thing is her mind in doing these things. Does she do these things reluctantly or with the love of the Lord in her heart?

It surely will be difficult to keep on nourishing her husband and children with the good mind without her ever receiving any compliment. It is also difficult, even when you know better, to still remain silent. The temptation is great to lecture her husband when he makes things difficult for her again. After all she knows from the Scripture how a husband is supposed to approach his wife. Nevertheless she may not do that. Unbelieving husbands or husbands who disobey the Word, really do not tolerate their wife to call them to account for their conduct.

The perfect model for the wife here is also the Lord Jesus. In every relationship He has taken the right place. Therefore He did not lecture the older people, but asked them questions and replied to their questions. He knew everything perfectly better, still He took the right place (Lk 2:47). That place He also took toward His fallible parents (Lk 2:51).

1Pet 3:2. There is another danger for the wife to fall into and that is making use of her natural charms to win her husband’s favor. That’s why Peter speaks about a “chaste conduct”, which means a pure conduct, a conduct that is free from the impurity that rules the world. She ought not to ignore her obligations by not giving her husband also in sexual view what is related to a marriage (1Cor 7:3-5). But she ought not to use the needs of her husband to manipulate him.

Because she has this means available and also knows how to use it, her behavior must be “respectful”, that she may do nothing that gives a wrong picture of the Lord and His Word. What God’s Word addresses here to the wives who find themselves in such a situation is not easy to follow, but it is certainly the way to be blessed. Such a behavior does not remain unnoticed by her husband and will cause that he “may be won” (1Pet 3:1) for the Lord.

1Pet 3:3. The adornment of the wife is in external things which are natural for her. It is her weakness to even more strongly emphasize the beauty that she has by nature. In that way she is so occupied with her appearance that she hasn’t got the right view anymore of who she is for the Lord. It is about the wife here as a disciple of the Lord and the question is where the heart is focused on. Is her heart focused on pleasing Him or on pleasing men? She is certainly allowed to adorn herself for her own husband, but she must not be coquettish. She must not stand out by because of excessive attention to her appearance. The true adornment does not lie in the external.

You may ask yourself indeed what people notice, what moves them, when they come into contact with you. Do you make an impression by your appearance, or by your brown skin that is tanned by the sun or by the sunbed? Or is it your eloquent speech or your well-shaped body? Or is it the rest and the joy in the Lord that you radiate?

As means for a wife to draw people’s attention to her appearance, Peter mentions the nicely braiding of the hair, the rings and the golden necklaces that a woman wears and the stylishly or perhaps even provocative clothing. He warns that this should not be so for the believing wife (1Tim 2:9-11).

1Pet 3:4. All outward adornment is corruptible, transient. The hidden person, the “gentle and quiet spirit”, is not transient, but everlasting. That is precious to God and therefore imperishable. It is about things that remain and not about things that are transient.

We live in a time wherein external beauty is adored. It is considered important how you come across. Do not focus on a youthful beauty. That is just temporary. Realize well that the outer man is decaying. By growing older all youthful beauty fades away and turns into wrinkles. Therefore it is important to realize that God sees the heart.

The most beautiful thing about a man is his inner beauty that consists of a gentle and quiet spirit. Someone’s character is much more the true man than his appearance. You can learn gentleness from the Lord Jesus (Mt 11:29). A quiet spirit is also typical of Him, Who also inwardly never resisted against the circumstances in which He was.

1Pet 3:5. This imperishable adornment is not an invention for the time Peter and his readers live in. In former times this was the adornment of women who did not live for here and now, but for the future. That means that it is about timeless matters here. These women are called “holy women”, for they lived in separation from the world and focused on God, in Whom they “hoped” for the future.

Such a mind of separation from the world and hope in God is still important today as it was in those days. If you possess that, it is not difficult to be submissive. Your conduct will then be determined by what God has said. He is more than worthy of your trust. If He has determined your place in marriage as a place of submission and you really take that place, the true adornment becomes visible, “which is precious in the sight of God”.

1Pet 3:6. From the ‘holy women’ from the past Peter mentions an example. He points to Sarah and says about her that she “obeyed Abraham, calling him lord” (Gen 18:12). This example is not meant to make known that the wife should address her husband as ‘lord’. The point is that Sarah felt no shame to call her husband ‘lord’. The purpose of this example is to show that the wife should show toward her husband an attitude of owed respect. The fact that she obeyed him also does not mean that she was his servant.

The submission or obedience of a wife doesn’t mean that a husband ought not to listen to his wife. Wives are given to their husbands to keep them from foolishness. We also have an example of that from the life of Abraham. Sarah once told him to do something. When he refused to listen to her, God told him that he had to listen to her (Gen 21:12).

This example is an illustration of the relationships in the marriage of the Christian and here it is specifically of the Christian woman. If she adopts the attitude toward her husband that Sarah adopted toward Abraham, she resembles Sarah spiritually and therefore can be called one of “her children”. She therefore shows her nature and mindset. Therefore wives who follow Sarah in this, will also show that by doing right. Thereby they do not have to be “frightened by any fear”, for they who do right and therein do the will of the Lord, can be sure to be guarded by God.

Now read 1 Peter 3:1-6 again.

Reflection: What do you like most about a Godly wife?

Husbands – All of You

1Pet 3:7. After the teaching for the wives, now follows the teaching for the husbands. Also this teaching starts with “in the same way” (1Pet 3:1), for also the husband ought to be submissive. It applies to him that he ought to be submissive to the institution of marriage and ought to take his place therein that is in accordance to God’s thoughts.

The husband has to “live … in an understanding way” with his wife. The word ‘live’ means all his dealings with her and not only the sexual contact. In his dealings with her he should not be guided by his passions, but by the insight he has in her person. Therefore he has to gain ‘understanding of’ her. He must be willing to invest in her, doing his best to understand her.

It is a well-known and at the same time shameful fact that husbands often have more insight in technical matters than in their wives. That’s also due to their selfishness. Husbands think that wives are like themselves and have a poor ability to empathize with the emotions of their wives.

The wife is “someone weaker” or “a weaker vessel”. By ‘vessel’ is meant ‘body’ (2Cor 4:7; 1Thes 4:4). The wife is weaker in physical and emotional sense, but not in spiritual sense. Think of a woman like Deborah who led an army. The point here is that she is weaker of the body and the emotions that are related to it. Husbands should be aware of the fact that a woman is different therein and that’s what should determine their attitude toward them. It is not supposed to give them a feeling of superiority that makes them arrogantly look down on their wife. No, the husband has to understand that she has got a lot that he is missing and therefore he should show her honor.

An extra reason to show her honor and not to treat her as an inferior, is the fact that together with him she is “a fellow heir of the grace of life”. She also received part of life by grace. This life will be fully lived in the millennial kingdom of peace, which is the inheritance. God makes no difference between men and women in the share He gives each of His own in the inheritance.

Husbands often behave themselves as rulers and forget that they are head. They also forget that ruling is still to come and that then also the wives will rule. If women have served the Lord more faithfully, they will receive a greater part in ruling. The husband should look at his wife as God sees her.

The “prayers”, that is the contact with God, will be “hindered” if the husband does not treat his wife well. The husband’s disparagement of the wife will negatively affect the prayer life. Then the prayer will have no power or it will be totally ignored. That is a serious situation. It is God’s purpose that husband and wife serve the Lord together, being occupied with His work, in which each of them personally has a part. In a sound marriage they will talk together about it and pray for it. That will prevent them from living apart from each other. The common prayer of husband and wife is therefore of great importance.

1Pet 3:8. With the words “to sum up”, after the servants (1Pet 2:18) and the marriage partners (1Pet 3:1-7), the last group is addressed. It concerns “all of you”, which is the company of all believers. It goes without saying that also the previous groups belong to those. All are addressed on their conduct, on how they interact and approach each other.

The most important thing is that they are “harmonious” or “of one mind”. The believers live in a hostile world. The enemy is seeking to drive believers apart. The only way to be armed against that, is to be of one mind, which means that they all have the same goal and that is to glorify Christ. If the believers are focused on the Lord Jesus and continually seek His interests in their dealings with each other, the enemy will have no chance to succeed to cause division. On the contrary, in this way they will gain victories over the enemy.

Their mind will make them “sympathetic” with believers who are suffering and also with people who are lost. To sympathize with others is to have compassion with those who are in need and trying to be of support for them. That especially applies with regard to fellow believers. We ought to love them with “brotherly” love. It is a true joy to belong, in the midst of a hostile world where blind hatred and cold feelings determine the climate, to a companionship where love abundantly determines the atmosphere.

When believers meet one another at meetings or at their homes, they should have the same experience as one has when he is freezing outside, enters a room where the warmth overwhelms him like a blanket. This is the experience an unbeliever also should have when he comes into contact with a believer.

The companionship of believers ought to radiate ‘kindheartedness’ to anyone who is there. It is the opposite of an attitude that frightens and repels. It is a conduct that others feel attracted to and feel accepted.

That conduct does not fit with arrogance that makes the other person feel to be given a favor. No, kindheartedness goes hand in hand with ‘humbleness in spirit’, for a believer knows that he himself is an object of the kindheartedness of God and the Lord Jesus. Everything that is asked here of the believers is perfectly seen in the life of the Lord Jesus.

1Pet 3:9. He also did not return “evil for evil” or “insult for insult”. His response to every evil that was done to Him and all the words by which people insulted Him, was blessing. If you want to be like Him, ask Him to enable you to respond as He did.

An extra exhortation to be like Him in this view, is that you may know that you “were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing”. You also did not partake of that in your past. Now you do. Do you also grant others to partake of that? The Lord granted it for you. Then you must follow Him in this view and wish for other people that they will also partake of the blessing of the millennial kingdom of peace, for that is the meaning of inheriting the blessing.

1Pet 3:10. The blessing of the kingdom of peace is not only something that we will enjoy in the future. It is now already possible to enjoy the true life and to see good days. Who wouldn’t want that? Even the unbelievers want that. You can hear that wish in the salutation that we as people use by saying ‘good day’ to one another. To truly have good days according to the rich content that is meant here and by which it is only possible, Peter quotes a few verses from Psalms 34 (Psa 34:13-17).

Do you want “to love and see good days”, then it is necessary that you do not use your mouth for speaking evil and deceitful things. That is quite something, isn’t it? In any case, it excludes that a man who has no new life, can ever enjoy true life and see good days. Only those who have that new life, that is the life of God, can bring that into practice. If you remain close to the Lord, you are able to fulfill that.

1Pet 3:11. Also the other conditions in this section are important. They consist of something negative and of something positive. The negative thing is that you must turn away from evil and the positive thing is that you do good. You see that the negative thing is followed by the positive thing. Your life is not meant to be characterized by everything that you do not do, but that it is marked by doing what is good.

Then you read about what the good consists of. The point is that you seek peace intensively. You must pursue it; therefore you must fully commit yourself to do it. Peace is not only the absence of war. It is the inward rest as a result of the fellowship with God in going His way, with the confidence that He takes care of what is needed and protects against dangers. This peace is constantly under pressure, for circumstances can take away that peace from you. That’s why you are to pursue it.

1Pet 3:12. To encourage you in this, the quote continues with focusing on the Lord. You may know that His eyes are always on you. He sees that you desire to enjoy what He gives to you. He also knows that there are forces and powers that threaten you and that they are much stronger than you are. If you are also aware of that, you will call on Him for help. You may know that His ears are open to your prayers. He hears you and defends you against those who seek to harm you.

Now read 1 Peter 3:7-12 again.

Reflection: How can you be a blessing to your environment?

Suffer For Righteousness

1Pet 3:13. After the promise in the previous verse you might be thinking that nothing can happen to you. That’s how Peter also puts it in 1Pet 3:13. As soon as you make an effort to do good (or: for the Good, that is the Lord Jesus) the Lord will stand beside you. Nevertheless it can happen that while you are doing good and are living righteously, you do not see good days. Sometimes even the reverse seems to be true from what Peter says here, for you see that people who do good are suffering and that people who do evil are doing well. That has to do with the way God reigns the world.

The reign of God could best be called an indirect way of reigning. That is in connection with the fact that the Lord Jesus does not openly reign yet, as that will be the case in the millennial kingdom of peace. Then He will directly judge the evil and directly reward the good. As things stand today, you live as a righteous one in the midst of unrighteous people who also are in charge.

1Pet 3:14. It would be a normal thing that the authorities reward the right and punish the wrong. However, more often the opposite happens. You see that in this verse. But that does not mean that your fate depends on what unrighteous people do to you. Your life is in God’s hand to Whom you have entrusted your life. If you look at your circumstances in this way, you know that nothing gets out of hand, but that He is above everything.

Then it may seem that you are the loser, but you know that you belong to Him Who is the Victor. That will ultimately become visible. Also with the Lord it seemed like everything went the wrong way, but He has triumphed. It still does not seem to be like that if you look around you, but if by faith you look upward and forward, you know that God ultimately will punish all evil and reward all good.

After all, whatever harm men can do to you, it only affect your body anyway(Mt 10:28). Your soul has been bought by the blood of the Lord Jesus and that’s how you became His property that nobody can ever snatch out of His hand (Jn 10:28-29). In that sense it is therefore surely true that nothing can happen to you. You can say by faith: ‘If God is for me, who is against me?’ (Rom 8:31).

So it can happen that you suffer because you live righteously in an unrighteous world. The world doesn’t want to see you live in that way, for that confronts it with its own unrighteousness. That’s the reason that it will persecute you. Then you suffer for the sake of righteousness. Do not let yourself be intimidated by God-hating people. They try to scare you, but they themselves are acting out of fear.

The world itself is afraid of what is going to happen, although people are outshouting their own fear. They do that by all kinds of arrogant slogans about their own strength, with which they will defend themselves against God. The world has a reason to fear the judgment, you haven’t. You do not need to be confused about the course of events in the world and in your life.

1Pet 3:15. Your rest is not in having control over your life, like the people of the world want to control their life after their own wishes. You see how things are getting out of hand with man. Your rest is in a sanctuary outside this world and that is in Christ (Isa 8:12-13). The Lord Christ rules over everything. If you sanctify Him in your heart as Lord, which means if you give Him the all-ruling place, you will be able to fearlessly face life here and now and in the future. With ‘heart’ is meant the center of your existence, the control chamber from which all your motives and deeds originate (Pro 4:23).

After your heart comes your mouth. It is important to confess Him also with your mouth (Rom 10:9-10). You not only ought to give account to God, but also to people. They may ask you: ‘Why do you live like that? How come that you allow people to make you suffer like that? Why do you choose to be despised?’ Then you may testify to the hope you have of glory after suffering. That is what the Lord Jesus also did (Lk 24:26). Just look at Moses. Moses was expecting the reward and therefore chose rather to endure ill-treatment with the people of God (Heb 11:24-26). In that way you may testify that it is worth it to suffer because you expect the glory that is to come.

Giving a defense must happen “with gentleness” and not by threatening in the sense of: ‘My time will surely come.’ Therefore give a defense of that with “reverence” because of your own sinful nature that is still in you. Do not boast on that great future in a way that gives the impression that you own it already and therefore you do not have to care about anything. Therefore the certainty of the hope is not supposed to make you a careless or arrogant Christian.

1Pet 3:16. Therefore, be sure to give your testimony with “a good conscience”, which means, with a conscience that does not blame you for not having pure motives by giving your account. If you give such a defense of the hope that is in you, those who revile you because of your “good behavior in Christ will be put to shame”. They may say whatever they want and they may speak of you as an evildoer, but there will be a moment that they will have to admit to their own disgrace and shame that your life is related to Christ.

1Pet 3:17. That you live in a relationship with Christ must of course be the cause of their reviling of your conduct and not a wrong conduct that you may possibly show. If you suffer, it ought to be by God’s will. You don’t have to seek suffering. But if a situation arises where you clearly see the leading of the Lord to testify of Him, then do so, even if it means bringing reproach upon you.

Not each testimony produces suffering. Sometimes you even receive honor for what you say and do. The point is that you should not suffer because of evil things. The only right way to suffer is because of doing good. If Christians suffer, it doesn’t happen without the will of God. When doing good results in suffering, be sure that it does not happen outside the will of God, yes, it is indeed God’s will too. Then it can only be good, for His will for us is always a blessing.

1Pet 3:18. God wants to bring us to Himself. With a view to that, Christ had to suffer once for all. The Lord Jesus has suffered and indeed the heaviest suffering. It was a suffering we never would be able to endure and also never have to endure. It is also a one-time suffering that never has to be repeated. The suffering that He went through for sins has an everlasting effect. Due to what He has suffered, the sins of all who believe in Him have forever been removed and by His sacrifice they all have been made perfect forever (Heb 10:14).

He has taken the place of the unjust. He could take that place because He Himself was the Just. He did not have to suffer for His own sins, for He committed no sin (1Pet 2:22). Therefore He was perfectly suited to endure the sufferings for the sins of others. In this way He opened the way to God for sinners. He was willing to endure this suffering to bring you to God, in His presence, where you would never have been able to come or would have dared to come.

The suffering of the Lord Jesus meant to Him to suffer till death. But He did not remain in death, He was made alive again. He could be “put to death in the flesh” because He came in the flesh (1Jn 4:2), meaning that He, Who is the eternal Son, became Man. God sent Him “in the likeness of sinful flesh” (Rom 8:3). It goes without saying that ‘the flesh’ here indicates ‘the body’ and not the sinful flesh. His appearance on earth in a body has given man the opportunity to kill Him. Man didn’t want Him, Who so perfectly lived for righteousness.

But God wanted Him. Due to His perfectly dedicated life to God, God could do nothing else – and it was also the joy of His heart – than make Him alive. He did that by His Spirit, the Holy Spirit (Rom 1:4). While the world doesn’t see Him anymore and thinks that He is dead, you know Him not according to the flesh (2Cor 5:16), but according to the Spirit, meaning through the Holy Spirit and in a spiritual way.

Now read 1 Peter 3:13-18 again.

Reflection: How can you suffer for the sake of righteousness?

Baptism and Its Consequences

1Pet 3:19. The Jews whom Peter writes to, need to learn to look on Christ by what the Holy Spirit is showing them (Jn 16:13-14). That Christ is not physically present, but works by His Spirit may be strange to them. But that is not a new thought. As an illustration for that Peter refers to Noah and the work of the Spirit in his time. Christ preached in the Spirit through Noah to the people in the midst of whom he lived (Gen 6:3).

With “spirits [now] in prison” is not meant the spirits of dead unbelievers, but just simply the people who lived in the days of Noah. It is foolish to presume that Christ still has a preaching for dead people (cf. Lk 16:23-26). That there is mention of ‘spirits in prison’ means that these people were under the power of the great evil spirit, the devil. The devil was holding their spirit in prison (cf. 2Cor 4:4; Eph 2:2). He who has control over someone’s spirit, has power over the whole person. The preaching of Noah through the Spirit of Christ was addressed to these people who were the spiritual prisoners of satan.

1Pet 3:20. Noah warned them of the judgment of the flood that was going to come on these disobedient, or unbelieving, people. Each day that his preaching lasted, was a testimony of the “patience of God”. The judgment had to come, but God was still waiting, while the ark was constructed, that each one who wanted to come, could enter and be saved. And what was the ‘harvest’? Only “eight persons” entered the ark. Peter emphasizes the small number by mentioning again that there were “a few”, because humanity consisted of millions of people back then anyway.

This all had to serve as an encouragement for the readers. They also were with a few. They could not share their faith in a glorified and also invisible Lord with the masses of their compatriots. On the contrary, they were an object of persecution and mockery of their compatriots.

The purpose of this section is to encourage you if you have to suffer because of ungodly people, slanderers and mockers. Noah preached for a long time, but he did not give up. God is patient and therefore He was waiting. That applies also to you. If you suffer, you know that the reason for that is the patience of God. With a view to the salvation of the ungodly, God tolerates it when you have to suffer. If you find it hard at times and if the (apparently) easier life of the world is attracting you, I ask you if you would want to change with the ungodly. To make a well-considered choice you must watch the end of those who seem to be prosperous.

Asaph, who also had an inner struggle like that, writes about that in Psalms 73. Just read that psalm if you also wrestle with these things (Psa 73:1-28). I can tell you that I would rather not stand on the side of those who have a big mouth now, for they will be judged after that and end up in hell. I would rather stand on the side of Christ and suffer now, to be later with Him in glory.

Noah and his family were “brought safely through [the] water”, that is the water of the flood through which the rest of the people died. The water of the judgment was a means for him to be transferred from the old world to the new world. He was able to be saved in this way because he had a protection against the judgment and that was the ark. In such a way you have also been transferred into a new world. Concerning you the judgment came on Christ. Because you are in Him you have not died in judgment.

1Pet 3:21. Of this event baptism is a type. Baptism is called an ‘anti-type’ because it is a type of another type, that of the flood. Baptism and flood belong together. The water of baptism and the water of the flood have the same meaning. Both waters speak of death. We are saved by the means of which baptism is a symbol or a type: the judgment of death. How can a person be saved through death? That is possible when another person goes into death instead of him. That is what the Lord Jesus did. Through baptism you show in a type what has happened to you when Christ died for you.

Through baptism you publicly give a testimony that you have transferred from the one party, that of satan, to the other party, that of the Lord Jesus, the rejected One. The suffering that you are going through is the consequence of that. The water of baptism doesn’t give any meaning for the body as such. The question is your conscience toward God. When you are baptized, you place yourself before God and you say to Him that you want to follow the Lord Jesus. You also ask Him to keep you from doing anything that is unrighteous, because you want to have and to keep a good conscience.

From then your way stands in connection with the risen Jesus Christ. You have left the world and sin behind you. They symbolically are buried in the water grave of your baptism (Rom 6:3). The resurrection of the Lord Jesus is now the connection that determines everything. Through His resurrection a new world of blessing and life has been disclosed for you. How can it be possible that you would still want to live in connection with the old world over which you have acknowledged the judgment?

1Pet 3:22. The fact that this is all still in faith, doesn’t diminish anything of its reality. It will all soon become visible for the natural eye too. Till then, you may know that He with Whom you are now joined, is at the right hand of God in heaven. He has taken the place of the highest authority. All things are subjected to Him. You still cannot see that around you, but you see Him to Whom all things are subjected (Heb 2:8). Is not seeing Him in all His glory and majesty the greatest motive for enduring the suffering you sometimes have to endure?

Now read 1 Peter 3:3:19-22 again.

Reflection: What is the meaning of baptism and what are the consequences of baptism?